I've always strived to maintain at least a small amount of potential with which I might someday be able to realize.
I fear that I peaked today.
Earlier this afternoon, while waiting to pick up lunch for the office, my cell phone range. I'm not sure why (I'm a call screener), but I answered my phone without even checking the caller ID.
Girl whose calls I've refused to answer/return for 3 months: Taylor?
Me:
I hung right the fuck up on her face. It was really more of a gut reaction. In an instant my heart sent the "I don't want to talk to her" message to my brain, which dutifully passed it on to my hand, which snapped my phone closed.
And then, of course, I phoned Connie and we laughed and laughed about it.
Also, I have just decided that my own personal Hell (when and if I ever get there) will be this very same office, except at every desk will be the Bathroom Bombardier. She'll be taking calls about vacation stops at one desk and canceling accounts at another. And, of course, she'll be cackling that ear bleed-inducing cackle through each and every phone call.
Enough is enough, people!
But hey, it's the end of April.
Happy Birthday Bitsy! I hope she's having a lovely day (and I think she is)! I made her a cake last night. She had requested a purple cake with purple frosting and purple coconut so that's what I made her. I'm not going to lie about it. I wanted to put my head in the oven by the time that cake was baked, frosted, and decorated with purple coconut. My hands were stained from all of the food coloring (and let me warn you: too much food coloring will cause your butter frosting to separate - twice). The cake had overflowed out of the bundt pan and into the bottom of the oven. It took three or four tries to achieve the right shade of purple for the coconut. In the end, though, I was pleased. It was definitely the ugliest cake I�ve ever made, but it was well crafted I�d say!
Also, we played Pin the Tail on the Donkey! Our first attempt each was nearly successful. Her second one ended up on the window and, after a close call with the filing cabinet, mine was on the donkey's sneaker. Butter luck next year!
Lastly, as a gift to herself, Bitsy sent Mouth into the other room to work the switchboard. Happy Birthday to you and Happy Birthday to me.
Once, when I was very young, my mother and dad got in a fight and Mother hurled a pound cake at my dad's head. That will always be one of the highlights of my life.
I was born for a better life. Not that my current life is so bad. It's fine. Just fine. But I feel like I have the capacity to have a lot of money and handle it in all the right ways. It's just something I've been feeling very strongly about lately. That's all.
(Of course, that's not really all. I'm spoiled. I want more. More more more. I want everything. I want it all now. I can't help myself! It's disgusting and I know it and I just can't help it! Somebody slap me!)
There's a website. Give me a moment to find it. Friends Beyond the Wall. There. It's is technically a pen pal service used to pair up inmates with someone "beyond the wall." But let's not joke about it. It's really just a hook-up service. You want to meet and fall in love with an inmate at your local penitentiary? This is the place for you. Are you hot for conjugal visits? Sign yourself up. Are you willing to wait several years (or even as much as a lifetime) to spend real, quality time with your honey? Love is waiting for you!
How did I find out about this gem-of-a-website? Mouth, sitting directly behind me, has been scouring the site for two days. How accurate.
We are, for all intents and purposes, a call center. The very heart of my job is taking and making calls to �fulfill� the subscriber�s needs. I�m sure you can only imagine the fun we�re having here this morning. We�ve already done the Kelly Clarkson concert recap. We�ve covered the office trash talk. We�ve even taken the time to project what our lives might be like 20 years from now (the future is not bright for me, my friends)!
Kelly Clarkson was, in a word, amazing. Despite her somewhat cheesy beginnings, she really has blossomed into a very good performer! And boy can she sing! Of course, every song was a gem, but the highlight of the show for me was when she did A Moment Like This punk-style. It kind of turned me on. Also she�s so tiny and cute in real life. I wanted to put her in my pocket and take her home with me so that the next time I get wasted and try to take a shower with my clothes on I don�t need to sing Since U Been Gone all by myself.
Something that I feel very strongly about: Vonzell Solomon being the next American Idol. I�m not an idiot � I know she�s a long shot. I also know that she�s a wonderful person! Vonzell gave that little girl her cell phone number and permission to call her whenever she wants. Furthermore, if she doesn�t hear from the girl after a few days she calls her. People, please. If that�s not what being an American Idol is all about, then what is?
Again, I know she�s not a top-runner, but I won�t stand for Dirty Bo or Dirty Constantine taking the title. And Carrie Underwood, albeit a decent vocalist, has the IQ of a dirty sock (hello. Left the cake out in the rain. Never have that recipe again. Not a tough metaphor to wrap one�s mind around) and, thus, should not receive the title either.
Now I�m all fired up and I don�t even have some unsuspecting 97-year-old newspaper subscriber to take it out on.
Posted by Taylor on April 25, 2005 @ 11:45 amKelly Clarkson will have traveled to 26 US States, as well as 5 locations in Canada. How is it that I can barely stomach the 15-minute trip to work in the morning?
Well, I guess Kelly gets paid more than me. Also, she doesn�t have to work with Tweedle Dip-Shit and Tweedle Douche-Bag.
And in a vote more controversial than that of the recent Conclave at the Vatican, Anwar Robinson has been voted off of American Idol. I am proud to say that I am an Anwar fan. I, too, felt that he was technically the best singer in the competition. Just because he maybe sang the same song week after week doesn�t mean he�s not a star.
Actually, I just had a thought. Maybe Anwar should be the new pope. I bet he�d work those robes and that little cap.
I don�t know much about the Pope. Pretty much everything I know I�ve learned from Bitsy in the last few weeks. So, I guess I�m not even sure how much having this new Pope is going to affect me. I�ve learned, though, that the Pope is actually a prominent political figure (like I said, I was a Pope dope until recently, so this is all new to me). So I don�t really know how to feel about him. After reading all about him on Tuesday, the only thing I could really say with complete confidence was �Well, he looks like a Pope.�
(I'm not going to lie, I just typed drawers instead of drawer and that's a visual I could have lived without) it's 74 degrees right now.
According to my own internal thermometer it's four million degrees in this office. It's four million degrees and I have a wicked wedgie. I just can't take it. I'm 2 seconds away from either slicing my wrists with the serrated edge of my tape dispenser or taking my pants off.
Every morning when I put my underpants on I tell myself not to put on the blue and white striped ones or the red and orange striped ones. Don't get me wrong - they're cute. Really cute. But they don't quite fit. They're just a hair too snug. In an effort to maintain even a modicum of self-dignity I try my damndest to refrain from picking my wedge throughout the day. Only once was it so bad that I had to readjust in the supply closet. I just know it's going to be a bad scene by the time I get home though. The last time I accidentally wore these underpants I thought I was going to need a small army of Asian children wielding salad tongs to get them out of my bum crack.
God, people. When did I become such a downer? Do I ever do anything but complain? I'm happy right now and everything. Really happy! Things are going swimmingly! I got my favorite chicken fingers for lunch and a raspberry lime ricky (thanks to Bitsy's sister). And, if everything goes according to plan, Scott Savol will go home on American Idol tonight!