a 70-year-old woman falling off of her balcony and landing, relatively unscathed, on an awning nine stories below her is one of the funniest things I've ever heard? Why? This story is old. This poor woman plummeted to what could have been her death days ago and I still can't stop laughing about it!
Obviously, this story would not be at all funny and, indeed, tragic if she had died.
But she didn't! This lady did not die! She toppled off of her balcony (while cleaning, reportedly), plunged nine stories and landed on an awning!
Dear Satan,
Get the vodka chilled, I'll be there soon.
Yours,
Taylor-
Today I'm wearing a black Ben Sherman shirt, brown houndstooth Producer pants from Express, a black belt, and brown shoes (J.Crew).
I wanted to die a thousand deaths. I'm very sick right now and the proof is, as they say, in the pudding. My get-up today is the pudding.
I don't know if it's allergies or a sinus infection or the black plague or what, but it's hitting me hard and getting worse by the day. This morning I woke up, got out of bed, bent over to pick up a t-shirt, and snot dripped right out of my nose and onto my big toe.
And when I die next week I'm going to take the lady upstairs� advice and have my epitaph read: See? I really was dying.
The lovely Kate was kind enough to offer to send me hot tea. I said that I've found water not to mail well so she should just send the tea minus the hot water. Then she said that maybe she would just send the hydrogen and the oxygen particles and let me make the water and the tea myself. Then I said that I would love for her to send me H's and the O's! Then Tiffany said she heard Heather has a crush on Bobby!
Lunch time.
I love the gloop-glop sound of stirring pudding or cake batter. I love the sound of turning through the pages of a book, either slowly and one at a time or rapidly, like a flipbook. I love the sound of particular keyboards - I will always test-type on a keyboard before I buy it to hear how it clicks and clacks, not feel how it types. I love the sound of hard-heeled shoes on long, empty, hard-surfaced corridors. And I love the sound of hair being snipped with sharp scissors or even razored (you know, to add more shape and texture). Tires on gravel and flags in the wind and hot coffee being poured!
There are also sounds that make my ears bleed and my brain hemorrhage and my stomach do flips that would make the Russian gymnastics team jealous.
Obviously, I hate the sound of people coughing. Especially the same person coughing over and over again. I hate the sound of someone chewing gum - I've never chewed gum in my life (a fact some people find hard to believe). I hate Mouth's laugh (sounds like an automatic weapon: ah---ah--ah-ah-ah-ahahahahah) and the Bathroom Bombardier's laugh (think Wicked Witch of the West). I also really hate the sound of children laughing. I know that makes me sound like an awful lemon puss but it's true! Lighters being lit and matches being struck and plastic bags being crinkled!
I find myself saying "I'm sorry, what?" a lot today because I'm focusing less on the prattle that's happening here in the office and more on the sounds around me.
His fiancee was in the office with him this morning. She was wearing an aquamarine t-shirt tucked into grey sweatpants (the kind with the elastic waistband and the elastic cuff at the bottom of each leg). Natch, the outfit was completed with a pair of white reebok sneakers. I honestly didn't know people like that still existed.
I think the people over at PETA should rethink their platform. Who cares if Jennifer Lopez's clothing line is using real fur when there are people out there sporting elastic waistbands? I would line up to throw stones for that cause.
I've been annoying myself for two days straight now. I've been feeling a bit under the weather lately and have developed a cough. I'm not going to lie about it. I hate people who cough. Incessant coughing makes me want to slam my head up against sharp corners.
Something that I can't help but find amusing: The Runaway Bride Action Figure. "Get your RUNAWAY BRIDE Today before they RUN out. Limited supplies and first come first serve only. Comes complete with Towel, Vegas Baby tee-shirt and jogging pants."
Posted by Taylor on May 11, 2005 @ 9:31 amThe highlight for her was probably the dinner that I lovingly handcrafted.
The highlight for me was probably when I yelped "I just got hit in the eye with lobster and I'm not NOT happy about it!" at the dinner table.
I believe my most favorite Mother's Day memory of all-time was the one when I was very, very young and thought it might be nice to make breakfast in bed for Mother. I made her a bowl of Apple Jacks and a cup of coffee, except I just put the coffee grounds into a mug of hot water. Mother, the sweet lady that she is, ate that bowl of cereal and drank (a few sips) of that coffee as if I'd just prepared a 4 star meal!